Fifty Shades Freed Movie Review

Fifty Shades Freed Movie Review

I accidentally stumbled into the cinema and landed in the Fifty Shades Freed screening… honest! OK, it was slightly different to that. Catherine had booked tickets to see Black Panther and something didn’t log in correctly and we turned up at the cinema with no tickets booked. So Instead of heading home with now show, we booked a film that was about to start. We were child free and I wasn’t fussed by “Early Man”.

Fifty Shades Freed Movie Review

With our new tickets in hand, we headed for the screen. At Vue Cinema in Cramlington, there was a pop-up trestle table selling little bottles of prosecco. The advert card read “Add a little sparkle to your experience… £7.99”. We’d come prepared… with a pocket full or Rowntree’s Randoms, we marched on by to get our seat.

Normally the screenings here are half full at best, but 15 minutes before show time and it was nearly full. Full of Women, plastic glasses of wine and Me! It takes something special for me to feel out of place, but as I eventually spotted another 4 blokes in the 300 seat screen, I felt special.

There were no spare seats near us. I was shoulder to shoulder with a Nacho eater and within earshot of a bag rustler. I’m still not sure why we insist on eating the noisiest snacks in a focused atmosphere.

I’ll also be honest and say I’ve not read the books and I have no real idea of what the story is about. Although I’m not nieve enough to not realise there is sex involved! And within the first 3 minutes of the film, there was sex involved! The room was silent (bar the rustling). I did feel slightly more awkward than I thought I would.

A smartly dressed Cristian Grey (of Grey Enterprises) swanned taking his newly married wife to all locations around the world. What seemed to be world tour and occasional sex, moved onto a blend of the Bodyguard meets James Bond. In a detail that only becomes apparent at the end Jack Hyde is after revenge and is stalking the Grey Family. While driving a super fast Audi, Anastasia Steel at the wheel needs to out drive a tailgating 4 wheel drive. In true James Bond-esque style, they swerve past a loggers truck, on to a freeway, through a town centre and into a car park for a quick energised “encounter”.

Now I realise they are on their honeymoon, but I just didn’t seem to get it! OK, Shades of Grey is all about the sex, but I just didn’t get it. The whole movie seemed to be getting into a story, then sidestepping into some bed or bondage action. It was as though the scriptwriter had got a load of erotic stories and grabbed the front three pages and back three pages and glued it together. I just didn’t feel involved… OK, Probably the wrong choice of words.

Where some movies can leave you with unanswered questions, Fifty Shades Freed left me with loads. What did Christain Grey do for a living? Running Grey enterprises and never seeming to work made me think of Bruce Wayne and Wayne Enterprises. Both are rich businessmen with a dark secret hidden behind a secret room. Or if the film was set around a much less well-off man who was into bondage, would it still be full of the same clientele, or would it be in a back street?

Ultimately I felt slightly used and cheated watching Fifty Shades Freed. The story was thin, the characters weren’t relatable and it wasn’t Black Panther. However, I did enjoy the bag of Rowntree’s Randoms!


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  1. I’m convinced your lovely wife tricked you into there on purpose! Ha!

    I saw the film last night and it was definitely the worse of the three, completely and utterly ridiculous, it made no sense and the characters are so unlikable!

    The first film is probably the best, it also doesn’t make loads of sense but at least there’s not OTT car chase scenes and kidnappings in it!

    Simon was very sensible and stayed at home!

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